30 feelers ya feeling as your turning dirty thirty

Turning dirty thirty is like showing up on a 7-year-old’s birthday with the disappointment of no birthday cake as you were responsible for collecting it. When your 30-year-old visions as a teenager burst open as your bubble slowly pops and realization hits. I’m just not there yet, where I pictured myself to be, at the turn of my third decade of life.

Turning dirty thirty, thirty dirty insecurities I can’t seem to shake

I know some people just don’t care. Turning dirty thirty here we come. I’ll say things like, ‘oh turning dirty thirty..’ They’ll say things like, ‘I’m thirty, flirty and thriving or ‘age is just a number. How old do you feel? You’re only as old as you feel, you know?’ Yes, I know, I’m turning dirty thirty. I’ve heard it all before but I’m still not there, yet. Maybe because I suffer from anxiety. I mean I don’t want to be one of those people that use anxiety as an excuse but it’s there, at the back of my mind.

To top it all off, you’ll probably think I’m bat crazy when I say my ageing anxiety has officially set in. Yes, ageing anxiety. This added anxiety about ageing got some thinking I’m vain. But it’s deeper than your hair turning grey and brittle bones slowly decaying. It’s about independence, survival, abundance, freedom, and understanding of the way things are. You are now officially adulting, and if you’re not quite there yet. I feel you.

Thirty insecurities you are thinking turning 30

1. I’m just not there yet- where I imagined myself to be in my career, in my relationships with others, financially and on my own self-journey
2. I’m not ready to be this responsible it’s exhausting, can I have a nap, please
3. Did I get married too young? What have I done to my youth?
4. Why am I not married yet? Will I ever find a partner?
5. Why do people automatically assume when you turning 30 it’s time to get married and have children? Not everybody wants this
6. I wish I took more risks in my career
7. I wish I changed my career, I hate my job
8. Why did I choose this career path?
9. What would my life be like if I had studied?
10. I feel like my degree is worthless why did I even study?
11. Why do I still feel like I’m 21?
12. Why do I feel like I’m 41?
13. Is someone going to finally tell me the meaning of life?
14. Why does my job title hold so much power over me and my peers?
15. I wish I had more lovers- why was I so conservative in my relationships?
16. It would have been better if I had fewer lovers- it’s emotionally draining and the energetic baggage catches up
17. I wish I meditated and learned more about myself in my 20s
18. I should have partied and experimented more now I’m too old
19. I’m 30 will I ever have a baby?
20. Why did I have a baby so young I’m only 30?
21. I’m 30 and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life
22. I’m 30 and I’m still sitting on the fence about the meaning of life & my religion
23. I wasted my youth on falling in love instead of chasing a career
24. I’ve been drowning myself in work and haven’t found someone who truly gets me
25. I haven’t had a long term romance yet, now I’m worried I’ll end up alone with 20 cats
26. Jumped from relationship to relationship? Did I marry someone I don’t even know?
27. Should have eaten more of the goodies I forced my ‘beach body’ not to
28. Emotional eating throughout my 20s was a dark and dank time
29. Can I do this, am I even worthy of living the envisions of my inner teenager predictions of 30
30. If this is thirty I can’t even begin to imagine my life at forty 😉

Are the thirties the new twenties?

I don’t know about you guys but I feel old. The truth is, I’m not sure if it’s the baby that has aged me 10 years or if this is what thirty really feels like. I’m thirty, I’m a mom and I feel 40. Undoubtedly my wrinkles are getting bigger and bolder. In addition, my hair is getting finer. Above all, little miss adventurous is full of complaints. My skin feels like a stretched out piece of leather, god bless my soul for breastfeeding for over a year. Honestly, I constantly feel under the weather. Dirty thirty, time to pull up my socks and fasten my seatbelt because the corona wave, having a baby and coming of age has gravelly aged me into my graceful thirties.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years after turning dirty thirty?

This question kills me. Yet, it is such an essential question. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? My 20-year-old self never imagined that I would be married and with child by the age of dirty thirty. That sounds too boring for me. Travel the world, set your soul on fire. You only have one life to live. So live it up. At least that’s where I envisioned myself ten years ago. But the truth is that life is boring. Unless you make it all that your heart set out to do. Whatever that is for you. Whether it is settling down or living it up. As long as your happy at the end of the day. Nothing else really matters. Your thirty now. Time to stay positive and commit to the life you love to live.

If you’re feeling like this post heightened your anxiety about ageing, I’m sorry but it’s the truth. Try zen out to some meditation music